Emotions That Make Us Human...

Sympathy (n) - Feelings of pity or sorrow for another's misfortune (Google definition).

Empathy (n) - The ability to understand and share the feelings of another (Google definition).

Apathy (n) - The lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern (Google definition).
     Synonyms - indifference, lethargy, idleness, weariness

Wit (n) - A natural aptitude to use words and ideas in a quick and inventive way to create humor (Google definition).
      Synonyms - intelligence, cleverness, insight

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I used cry in commercials, during a touching song, when reading a novel or watching a movie in which characters experienced life's trials, tribulations, rejections, triumphs, defeat, and successes.

Over the last year, and especially the last six months, those quirks that used to be a source of teasing from my husband or children has stopped because I no longer tear up the way I used to. 

One of the things that, I believe, has kept my marriage strong these last 25 years and my kids an active part of my life is my sense of humor. We are a family of jokes, puns, sarcasm, and quick wit. We play off of each other and current events. We quote funny lines in movies and television shows. Life, despite the swings in my bipolar metronome of circular emotions, has been fun.

Over the past six months, I feel that humor is slipping through my fingers. My family will tell a joke and when I don't respond they either repeat it or explain it to me. Most of the time I get the pun or joke, but I don't respond by laughing and I know this bothers them. I don't know if I don't think it's funny anymore or if it's because I feel indifference about everything. I care, but I don't.  I can only explain what I'm going through by comparing my experience to the television show Big Bang Theory. A main character in the comedy show is Sheldon Cooper. His indifference to the feelings of others and his delay in processing jokes or sarcasm is what makes the show funny and successful. This feature is not amusing when it becomes a feature of a member of you family, and especially when it is you who behaves that way. Sarcasm is completely lost and internalized as an attack on who I am. It's hard for me to express any emotions other than frustration and anger. 

How can this loss of who I was not be taken personally by the people I love most? Is this going to be what they remember about me? My husband, daughter, and son tell me things about their day that are important to them and I able to listen, but I feel like their words just bounce around in my mind never able to connect to the part of my brain that makes me feel human.