Jam On It...

Recently, I gave one of my rec center swimming friends a jar of Lorne's apricot-habanero jelly. She loved it and asked if she bought the ingredients could we make her some with strawberries instead.

I asked Lorne if he would try the substitution. He agreed, but the "HE" became "WE" and I had to help. There was also a second substitution. Instead of habanero peppers we used jalapenos, since our garden hasn't produced enough of the more potent pepper to date.

My first task was to cut the jalapenos. I asked Lorne if we should include the seeds. After all, jalapenos aren't as hot as their cousin habanero. He told me to taste the pepper for heat intensity, and I figured no biggie and bit off a piece. It was freaking hot and set my lips a blaze.

I dashed to the sink and began rubbing cold water on my lips and face before I realized I hadn't watched my hands with soap. When I did, it was too late. I has smeared what capsaicin from the peppers into my cheeks and chin. To counteract the increased facial burning, I reached for milk from the fridge and splashed about a half-a-gallon onto my face. Somehow, this spread the jalapeno residue from my fingers to my eyes. Now, my frantic screaming intensified.

Lucy led me to the bathroom where I let the cold water flush my eyes for about ten minutes. As I stood there, I washed my hands, and not wanting to waste water I lathered up the rest of me. OMG, bad mistake. The el diablo juice only mixed with the suds and when I was drying off I couldn't figure out why my pits and hooch felt a little heat too, which lingered throughout the night.

For the next few days my eyes were puffy (puffier than normal) and cheeks had a nice day-in-the-sun glow. I wasn't happy.

Fruits of my labor.